It’s Valentine’s Day, 1984, in Searcy, Arkansas. I run to my dorm to switch books for afternoon classes, and pause to admire three perfect pink roses sitting on the reception desk in the lobby. Wait, they’re for me? That thought brings pangs of guilt. I crinkle my eyes and nose as I lean over to inhale the aroma. I smile planning how I might show my thanks. It’s unexpected, this interest Dan Cutts and I have in each other.
At the end of last semester, I had no boyfriend and took a random guy-friend to my club Christmas party. Over winter break I decided I would quit trying so hard to find a Mr. Darcy. I am content being single now; why should my future happiness depend on partnering up. Spring semester comes, and right away I have to host my social club’s Valentine’s party. Silly me decides it will be a costume party: “Come as a Famous Couple.” My friends and I once more begin the process of figuring out who to take to this club function. Kristy surprises me and suggests I invite Dan. “He’s a gentleman, and he looks good in pictures,” she assures me.
Why should any of that incur guilt? I have secrets I haven’t revealed to you yet, dear reader. Secret number one: Kristy has been crushing on Dan for as long as I’ve known her. Secret number two: Dan wants to take me out. Let me back up to that Christmas party and give you a few details.
I have to provide entertainment in the form of a song, so I find a pianist and we perform the “Theme from An Officer and a Gentleman.” That’s right. . . Love lift us up where we belong. . . I’m singing along and there’s Dan Cutts, date to another of my friends, and he is giving me this intense look. I think to myself, No one else is paying attention; I guess I’ll sing to him. What is this look? Is he placing his heart on a silver platter or something?
Jump back to spring semester: next thing I know he’s sitting on our chapel row. He trades seats getting closer to Kristy and me. We learn he’s going to ask out someone in our friend group. I think, “Finally, he’s come to his senses and likes Kristy.” Imagine my shock when his best friend says Dan’s interested in me. I flashback to the Christmas party and that intense look. I should never have sung to him. Guilt. Guilt. Guilt. But Kristy insists she is over him. She knows he will never be more than a friend to her. “You should ask him to your Valentine’s Party,” she insists.
Against my better judgement I give Dan a call and ask if he would be willing to dress up as Hansel to my Gretel. “You’re not going to believe this, but I was planning to ask you out for this Saturday.”
“You’re right, I don’t believe it.”
I don’t expect to, but over the coming days I discover reasons to let myself fall for this guy. Number one: I get stuck looking after a friend of a friend’s puppy the night of our first date, and he surreptitiously cleans poo. Number two: I notice he has a nice bass voice when we go to church together. (An out-of-tune person next to me in worship for the rest of my life would be a cross I prefer not to bear.) Number three: when he hugs me at the end of our dates, I feel safe.
Now here we are on actual Valentine’s Day after a dinner-and-a-movie date, a club party, a church date, and I’ve got these flowers.
We find each other in the student center and decide it’s nice outside so we should take a walk. He holds my hand, and we stop on a little bridge and wonder where the water goes. “Thank you for the flowers,” I lean in just close enough. . .
“Flowers?” He feigns innocence. I’m still right there, close enough, my head tilted back and lips slightly parted in a smile. “You think I sent you flowers?” He teases. I raise an eyebrow without backing off.
He finally takes the hint. It is a perfect first kiss. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”
Note: I changed the name of my friend who had a crush on Dan in this story. I still feel guilty to this day. What unwritten codes of conduct would you break for the sake of love?
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