How I Became a Famous TV Cranberry Farmer

You know that Boy Scout motto, “Be prepared?” While I was never a boy scout, I appreciate the sentiment, especially since I’m rarely prepared for the unexpected. And boy howdy is something unexpected happening.

“Would your family be interested in participating in an audition for the new Ocean Spray ad campaign?” This question sends ripples of excitement through most of our family members. I’m thrilled too, and immediately say, “Me! Pick me!” But the thrill becomes panic when it dawns on me I can’t get back into shape by then. I should always be prepared and in my healthiest state. I kick myself a couple times, but I think I’m highly unlikely to make the cut. I try to calm myself down with self-talk about enjoying the process, but I’m Lucy trying to get Ricky to let her on stage! I’m beside myself with excitement.

Dan and I ask our kids if they would like to fly to the west coast with us for the adventure. The wheels start rolling and we plan, shop, get tickets, coordinate schedules, take time off from school. . . we are really going to do this!

It feels like our big day will never arrive—I’m like a little kid asking, “is it time yet?”—but finally November 7 arrives and Dan, Em, and I board a plane for Portland and our final destination, Long Beach, Washington. We’ve got fresh cuts, color, and big excitement in our eyes. At the Chicago airport, I chatter to anyone within my friendly radius about where we are going and why. Dan and Em give these hapless individuals sympathetic eyes; they’ve been living with my giddiness for weeks. (I think they’re a little relieved I’m releasing it on someone else.)

At last, we collect Alex, get our rental car, and drive to Long Beach. We barely have time to drop our luggage before being hustled into a 12-passenger van and driven to the set. Our first day is spent in a photo shoot for the social media campaign.

The farm Ocean Spray selected for the shoot is lush and green. We find the waders laid out for us in the barn and make our way bog side. The photographers take individual shots of some of us scooping up berries and looking at them lovingly. The rest of us on the dam giggle as we stand around waiting our turn. The light doesn’t last long after we arrive, and I am seriously doubtful I’m going to have any big breaks into television, so I take a bunch of my own videos and selfies. At least we’ll have tomorrow to explore the Lewis and Clark history of the area.

And do we ever make the most of our day off! Dan is a huge Lewis and Clark groupie. Every time we spot the Pacific on our explorations, I quote, “O! the joy! Ocean in view.” What amazing sights: rocky outcroppings to climb, inlets hidden by steep stone cliffs, wide open empty sandy beaches; I snap a million pictures. I don’t want to forget one sight. At last, we find the end of the trail where Clark carved his name into a pine 213 years ago. How thankful I feel to experience this place, this moment. We wander upon a deteriorating wedding arch, and I make Dan kiss me in the sunset.

Next morning, we are up long before sunrise, dressed and ready for the van to take us back to the set. Once we arrive, I explore every inch of the trailer where the “talent” gets to rest in-between takes. I document everything, from the food truck dishing up hot breakfast sandwiches, to the warming tents, to the director's tent full of cameras and monitors. As the sun rises, we visit the make-up artist and stylist. I’m game for whatever they want me to do, and when the stylist holds out a pair of little Christmas ball earrings and says, “I’ve been dying to put these on someone. I want to see a flash of them looking like cranberries peeking out in a scene.” Okay by me. I relinquish my little studs and pop in the cranberry red earrings and a big flannel barn jacket over my waders. By 7:30 my little family is herded bog side for pictures, then a half an hour later all of us are in the water getting placed. I overhear the director say, “This is literally one of my bucket-list items.” Other members of the crew flew in family members who are just as excited to see us do our thing as we are to see them do theirs.

We spend the day taking direction, moving berries, hearing, “Action,” “Cut,” and at the end of the day, “That’s a wrap,” followed by a collective roaring cheer from the crew who move into breakdown mode. I think back to every scene and wonder if any with me will get used. There are so many fun ones; throwing berries in the air, the kids bouncing down the dam on giant red bouncy balls, the dog attacking the beater. I doubt the stylist’s dream of my earrings popping for her will come true. I have documented it well enough in my phone to prove this happened whether or not all my smiles wind up on the editing room floor.

It feels like forever afterwards we wait for the debut. Dan learns the commercial will premier during prime-time one January night. But, oh no! I have a meeting and won’t get to see it.

Dan and Em watch without me. I text every time I can, “Did it show yet?” and finally when he says it did, “Were any of us in it?”

In his usual infuriating way, he denies my immediate gratification and tells me I’ll just have to wait and see it for myself. I rush home as soon as the meeting is over and run into the house. “Let me see it!” Dan won’t tell me anything. He just pushes play. “Oh my gosh! That’s us!” There we all are, standing in the bog for the whole world to see.

Suddenly, my head is center screen, flipping sideways laughing. Out peeks a quick glimpse of a red Christmas ball on my ear. I remember that moment on set. I thought the photographer was taking stills of us for social media. Ginger, the kids, and I were standing waiting for our next directions and he said, “Hey, can you guys pretend you like each other for a minute?” I laughed and threw my arms around the kids and said something like, “Sure we can pretend…” and that little head flick of a laugh is what gave me and the Christmas ball earring our 0.15 seconds of fame.

I might not have been prepared, but I sure did pretend like I was. Just like that! I can honestly say, I’m not a real cranberry farmer but I play one on T.V.